The empty nest is a celebration for some of us; for others, it has become lonely. It’s a mixed bag with emotions of freedom. You’ve helped them launch into adult independence, celebrating their wins and offering support through their struggles. But what happens when your “adult” child circles back, expressing a desire to move back home?
Just breathe. This doesn’t signify failure on either end. Life is full of transitions, and sometimes adult children need to return to the nest to prepare for their next chapter. Maybe they’re saving up for a house in this wild housing market, paying off student loans, or even just need a home base between college and their first “real” job. They’re looking for a temporary stop on familiar ground. While dealing with this situation can be tricky, with open communication and clear expectations, it can also be an opportunity for growth and a deeper connection.
A Step-by-Step Guide for Parents
I put together some items to think about to help you through the process if your child decides to move back home. Believe me, we had to move back home after having kids after the market crashed in 2007. It was all we could do to stay afloat until we moved in 2010. This is personal because we were on the other side and had to rebuild after losing all the money we set aside.
- Understand the “Why”
Openly discuss their reasons for wanting to return. Is it temporary or long-term? Are they facing a setback or preparing for a new opportunity? This understanding will guide your response and set realistic expectations. When we moved back to our in-laws, we had a plan to rebuild and be out within 1 year. - Set Ground Rules
Discuss the duration of their stay, financial contributions (if any), household chores, and respect for individual boundaries. Clear communication upfront prevents resentment and confusion down the line. And pray it is not your son…he will make your grocery bill double. - Foster Independence
Don’t regress into parent mode. Encourage them to actively seek solutions to their challenges, be it job hunting, financial planning, or career development. Your role is to guide, not enable. For more advice on financial independence for adult children, check out this CNBC article. - Open Communication
Regularly chat about how things are going. Are the initial agreements working? Do adjustments need to be made? Remember, flexibility is key, but don’t let it morph into an indefinite arrangement. This was key for us as we needed to communicate, and we did not always do a good job at this. - Remember, You’re Not Alone
This situation is more common than you think. Talk to friends, family, or therapists for support and guidance. Sharing experiences can help with stress and offer valuable perspectives. According to a Pew Research Center study, a majority of young adults have lived with their parents at some point.
Emotional Considerations for You
Keep these emotional considerations in mind as I heard from a few podcasts with ideas for this blog:
- Acknowledge Your Feelings
It’s natural to have mixed emotions—excitement, concern, even annoyance. Validate your feelings and express them openly and honestly with your child. - Embrace the Time Together
View this as an opportunity to deepen your relationship with your adult child, but in a different dynamic. Share meals, engage in activities, and create new memories. - Prioritize Self-Care
Don’t let your needs get lost in the shuffle. Ensure you have time for activities you enjoy, maintain your friendships, and prioritize your well-being.
Adult Children Move Back Home
Remember, this is a temporary chapter, not a rewrite of your empty nest story. By approaching it with empathy, clear communication, and realistic expectations, you can help your child and strengthen your bond for years to come. Everything with food, housing, and life is so expensive and we need to shift our thought process and be open to change if needed, but not open to be walked over.
Every family dynamic is unique. This advice is meant as a starting point, not a one-size-fits-all solution. Trust your instincts, communicate openly, and above all, remember that even when life throws curveballs, your love and support are the strongest foundation your child could ask for.
If the do move back home do not let them interrupt your new dating routine, and if you need ideas check that out HERE
